My mother says that I was 14 when she realized something was really wrong with me. I saw reality from a point of view that was unique to me (i.e. had nothing to do with the actual reality and facts). The years passed by and as I started going more and more into the world my lack of ability to function well in society became more noticeable (not to me of course, I thought everyone else is crazy).

During high school I was able to get good grades although I had a hard time socially, I trusted no one and everybody seemed to be conspiring against me. The world seemed to be a very dangerous place where everyone lies to you and no one tells the truth.

At age 18 I had my first major breakdown. I was convinced that the guy that ran the store I was working at is an evil devil lord that controlled the universe from that small shop so no one would be suspicious and disturb him while he was executing his plan to destroy humanity and allow evil forces to come in and take over. Sounds like a science fiction novel? Well, that was my life! that was what I saw every day. The worst part about it was that I was the only one to see the truth. Everyone else was blind, said he was a nice guy. I felt like the world is ending’ I’m the only one who sees it and no one is willing to help me stop it. I stopped taking showers, or taking care of my physical hygiene in any way, I shut down and eventually my mother hospitalized me in a mental institution.

I was filled with drugs and had people in white coats attempting to explain to me that I was hallucinating. But I knew better, I knew the truth, THEY were all blind.

I don’t know how my mother found Carmen but she did and Carmen started visiting me in the mental hospital asking me questions and not fighting me when I told her my stories. She was interested in all the details. Later I understood she was getting into my head, looking to see the world from my point of view.

When I got out of the mental institution I continued seeing Carmen and a few sessions later came the session that changed my life forever. Carmen showed me how a secret that was kept from me during my childhood that had to do with my father’s true identity created a split in my mind and how my brain created a defense mechanism (that was diagnosed as Paranoid schizophrenia by doctors) to protect me from going through a shock like that ever again. That moment I understood something I never could comprehend before, my point of view is not the only point of view out there. I understood that I chose to capture reality in a very certain way due to the patterns my brain developed because of my life experience, the lies that were told to me and the secrets that were kept from me. Suddenly I could see more angles of reality, it’s like my eyes opened up.

Then she continued to show me how my “my boss is the devil” story was a figment of my imagination. Now mind you, until that moment my mother, my teachers, psychologists, psychiatrists and social workers all attempted to convince me that that was MY point of view but not necessarily the truth. I could not accept their opinion. However, the way Carmen did it took no convincing, she wrote down my story exactly as I told it and used my own words to show me how my mind works. She asked me to pay attention to certain words and phrases and tell her what I think and I noticed from my words how part of it actually happened and part of it happened in my mind. It was amazing. From that moment on it was another reality for me, I understood so many things, I came back to life, started taking care of how I looked, took another job, started college and the best thing that I never had before. I got a boyfriend.

Carmen always told me that the work on our self-development is never done and that I should always be aware as to the way I see things so I will not fall into the same patterns again, so I do.   I have my tools and I check my-self every now and then to see that I am keeping a healthy point of view. Carmen taught me to see the results and my reality and to be honest with myself and that is what I do every day.