I came to Carmen after suffering from Bi-Polar disorder for a very long 8 years. During that time I tried everything from psychologists, psychiatrists, different councilors, different psychiatric drug cocktails and therapy methodologies that did not help to stop the insufferable emotional roller-coaster me and my family were living in.  I couldn’t stop the pain I was feeling during the six months depression where I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t stop the thoughts of wanting this life to be over, the lack of hope I was feeling, the darkness I was living in…I was in hell.  When the Mania came, I couldn’t stop inflicting pain on my family with the choices I made, my need for attention outside my marriage, my non-stop doing and the lack of ability to control what I was saying in front of my children.

The weeks I would spend in a “balanced” mood would be a constant self-berating session. I would do my best to atone for my deeds, especially to my family for all I did to them (whatever I actually remembered) while loathing myself to the core of my being. I lived in a dark place not knowing why this is happening and how can I stop it.  I lost all hope.  In my first meeting with Carmen I told her that a friend of mine told me about her and that I should try her therapy methodology. I also told her that I was coming to her with zero faith because I had tried so many things and had so many promises blow up in my face, I didn’t believe in anyone anymore, let alone in me.

Carmen smiled and said that faith comes with results and that all I have to do is cooperate and do my part if I do the work it will work, if I don’t it will not. Carmen’s way of explaining the mechanism behind bi-polar and why my brain was creating it was one that in all my therapies I never heard and it amazed me to finally understand my condition.

She continued to question me while building a map of my patterns which lead to her showing me exactly which patterns and what life occasions led to the creation of the disease.  I was shocked of how much sense she made and how accurate the explanation was.  It was an amazing breakthrough I never, with all my experience in the therapy world, experienced before.

After the explanations came the tools she created to train my brain to think differently, it worked like a charm and I started feeling hopeful again, feeling that this life, my life, might be worth living after all.

I started to work with Carmen about a month before my depression cycle was about to start. She managed to cut my depression cycle from 6 months to 3 months and the suffering from an 11 on a scale of 1-10 to a 5. I was ecstatic.

After the depression the Mania usually came, accompanied by compulsive money spending, cheating, sleepless nights, no verbal control and other “fun” stuff like not controlling my mouth, listening to very loud music when it’s inappropriate and not caring for anyone’s needs but my own.

My family (especially my husband) was so stressed waiting for that time to start and guess what…it never came.  I had no manic episode because I completely changed my thinking and behavior habits and my brain didn’t need that terrible “defense mechanism” as Carmen refers to it. 

Today I have my own business which I created when I realized I can finally trust myself. I have a beautiful relationship with my children who are getting used to having stability in their lives and I am working to rebuild the trust with my husband. Carmen’s tools are with me all the time, I use them every day.

I am happy, I take care of myself and most importantly I managed to forgive myself for everything. I am free.